You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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