Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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