Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
