At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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