We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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