I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
