after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
