I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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