I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
