4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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