I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
