The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
