Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
