I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish you could order shots online.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
