well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize