I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
