So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
