Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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