i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize