We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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