i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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