sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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