I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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