She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
