:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
