i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
