Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
