lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
