Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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