When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
