Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
