...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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