dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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