Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
