nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
