I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have tasted many bathrooms
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
