My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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