he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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