As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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