I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
