Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
