Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
