I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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