Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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