Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
