i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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