It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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