he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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