There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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