I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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