update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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