just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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