the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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