I will die if light touches me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
