i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
