She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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