She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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