i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
