So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
