evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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