It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
