dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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