He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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