Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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