You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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