We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
