I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
