I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
