i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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